Sunday, October 08, 2006

Two Lives

I said I would elaborate on my "two lives". I really do feel like I have had two lives, the life I had when I was with my first husband, and the life I have now with Brad. *Sorry Bernie, I don't think I have any pictures of me with pink hair*

When I met my first husband, Jim, I was in my early 20's. I hadn't finished school and did not have a clue what I really wanted to do with my life. We dated for about a year and 1/2. What we really wanted to do was just move in together. My parents freaked out when we talked to them about he and I discussed it and we decided to just go ahead and get married. We loved each, it seemed like the thing to do. I was 24 and he was 22. We had a huge church wedding with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen and the boofy dress and cake and pictures and stuff. It was absolutely beautiful. The reception was very toned the church fellowship hall, with punch and cake and cookies... no booze in my family!! (said in a gruff trying to be funny voice).

Should we have gotten married, in freaking way. Am I glad that we did, yes I am. I learned so much from that time in my life. He and I were such good friends. We had a blast together. We went to all kinds of movies, we read comic books, played video games, played card games, went thrift store shopping, cooked, watched t.v. shows together...we just enjoyed doing alot of the same things and doing those things together made them even more fun.

I was so outgoing when we met. I had a huge group of friends and was quite the clubbing, party woman. He was not a big socializer and so I became isolated from my friends and lost most of them. As a result, I became more dependant on him for my "fun".

It's easy to remember the bad things that happened in the marriage, but I really really try to think about good things. He was probably the most intelligent person I will ever know. He probably is up there in the genious level. I think that's why he had such a hard time figuring out what he wanted to do with himself. He had so many options available to him, he just couldn't pick one, so instead he did nothing.

We also had three amazing retrievers. I loved those dogs like they were my children. Chapal, Cayenne, and Cosmo...those of you who are familiar with comics should know the name Chapal. It was taken from Spawn. Cayenne is just what you think: pepper. Cosmo was from Seinfeld. One of the shows we watched religiously. I am not even going to go into detail about what happened to them. It upsets me way to much and is too depressing.

I was in nursing school when we met, during our 7 years together, I quit nursing school, went back to college and graduated with my BA in English. He also graduated with his degree in history. We were homeless for about two months the 4th year of our marriage. We had been renting a house and the landlord sold it out from under us without telling us...we had to move out and couldn't find a new place in time. I lived with my brother and he stayed with was really weird at the time and it was over Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday. We bought a house together and went to Florida on vacation with his family. I loved his family as much a my own. One of his sisters even lived with us for awhile. We were poor, but it was okay. We were living the lives of young people free to do whatever they wanted, no kids, going to school. It really was a lot of fun, even being poor.

As we got older our ideas of what we wanted out of life began to change. I wanted to teach school and was working very hard at getting my certification. He decided that he wanted to make more money and took a job that put him on the road most of the year. I think in a 6 month period I saw him 4 times. I wanted stability, a nice home, a family, a "real" job. He decided that wasn't important to him. One of the things I remember him saying was "how could anyone get any kind of satisfaction/gratification from teaching?" He wanted to be mobile, able to travel whenever the urge hit him. The idea of settling down in one place and having kids wasn't what he wanted anymore. He didn't like what I was becoming and I really didn't like what he was becoming either. We just didn't fit anymore...and because of all this and more, we ended up getting divorced. It was very sad, and emotionally difficult. There wasn't any fighting or cheating or any nastiness like that. It went very quickly.

I had lost my best friend, and the person who I had thought was going to be my partner forever... The things I had loved to do so much now became dull and painful for me. I quit watching television, I quit going to movies. I gave up my comic book reading, and sold my cards. I didn't go thrift shopping and wear funky clothes anymore, and I quit doing fun things with my hair. Maybe it was because of the divorce and the loss, but maybe part of it was because I was finally growing up.

*I will continue this....*


ian said...

I hope in the next part of the story you're going to tell us how you've rediscovered having fun! That's so sad...


Bernie said...

Wow - a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for part 2 - even without a picture of pink hair. :)

Diner Girl said...

Great post -- been there. I was married at 23 and divorced at 26. Sometimes I feel like I've lived 15 different lives since then, but really, it's just life, I suppose. Figuring out what makes me tick.... keep going with this idea. It's important.

LeeAndra said...

Thanks all, I will get to this again. We've had a trying week this week. Sick little one's and trips to the ER...gotta love having kids. They keep your life exciting. :)