Soooo, I tried the drugs from the psychiatrist.... VERY VERY BAD!!! I totally freaked out on them. He started me out on 25mg of Zoloft. A very small amount, but it made me manic. I couldn't sit still, I couldn't focus my attention on anything, I was pacing around the house like mad. My head felt like it was full of cotton. Not cool, not cool at all. How do people do drugs that do that to them and function...or like it? It's beyond me. After that I decided I DO NOT want to take any drugs for my anxiety/depression.

I have ordered a light spectrum lamp. Maybe getting that "sunlight" will help me, and my diet and exercising should be helping some too. I'm not as bad as I was right after Lyanna was born. My psychologist says it's totally up to me and she thinks I will be fine without drugs, but I will still have panic attacks at times.

I also asked her about the "inner voice" of the girls. She says that since they are so little thy don't have the language to have that voice but they think in pictures...now how they can know that for a fact I don't know. I guess that's the "theory". It makes sense though.

So....today I haven't done my exercise. Wondering if you can count sex instead of cardio workout....
Got out of the house for church today. Was interesting..pastor has the flu so we had a lay reader for the sermon. Kids were really well behaved. It's nice to be able to go somewhere again and not have to worry so much about them freaking out on us.
I am sticking to my diet though! Been trying out new recipes and maybe changing up one or two things, but for the most part staying with what is suggested.
One of my girl friends is going to babysit for us Friday night!!!! We are going to be able to go to a movie or out to dinner. YAY!!!! A couple of hours without children...what will I do with myself.

Been watching the football games. I've always liked Seattle....but Pitt is so close. It's like who do I cheer for during the Superbowl. Oh well, when it all comes done to it, who really cares? right?

Not too much else going on right now. I haven't weighed myself yet......I hope I have lost some weight..if I haven't, well, I'm going to be kind of upset. I feel like I'm working out hard and dieting..and I'm hungry ALOT!!!

We saw this woman in the grocery store that we met when we first moved up here. Her kid was on the soccer team we were coaching. We had her and her husband and two children over for dinner one night, trying to make some new friends in town. After that we pretty much never heard from them again. Imagine how surprised she was to see TWO babies with us. She never got to meet the first. Hee hee. She is really really nice, but we couldn't ever figure out why they never called us again...oh well. I gave her my number again we'll see what happens this time.

New Year Resolutions

Well it's a new year and I've actually made a resolution this time. I usually think new years resolutions are stupid. I can't really think of anyone who has ever kept theirs. BUT.... Since I had my two daughters I gained quite a bit of weight. Of course all women gain weight when they have children, it's pretty much unavoidable..but I want to lose mine, not carry it around forever. So....I am on a diet and exercising 6 days a week.


I am so funny sometimes... I am using "The Biggest Loser" workout video for my exercise. I just loved that show. It was "inspiring" for me I guess. I am also eating on the zone diet. So far so good. Haven't seen any weight loss yet, but it's coming I can feel it. I know my body is adjusting to things cause I had a couple of days where I just felt WEIRD. Woke up in the middle of the night all sweaty and kind of panicky... but overall I'm feeling good.

My target is 110lbs..we'll see how I do.